Gerund Man vs. Clerk Guy
A True Tale of Insignificant Proportions
The scene unfolds with Our Hero in a local comic book and gaming store.
| Gerund Man | (Approaching the counter) -- "Hi!" |
| Clerk Guy | Why are you bothering me? -- "Hi." |
| Gerund Man | (Quizzical, yet confident look on his face) -- "I was wondering, do you have a bulletin board where I could put an index card advertising that I'm looking for a group to game with?" |
| Clerk Guy | Oh! The Effort! Must -- not -- waste -- precious --
breath -- of -- life -- (Waves in the general direction of the store entrance, where an empty corkboard hangs.) |
| Gerund Man | (Looks to see to whom Clerk Guy is waving) -- "Ah, yes, I see, but it's empty." |
| Clerk Guy | Valuable internal energy deposits quickly being depleted!
Must visit Discount Den soon for more Diet Snapple and
Oatmeal Creme Pies! -- "Everyone's leaving." |
| Gerund Man | Everyone's leaving? Heads Up Display engaged. Processing
options:
|
| Clerk Guy | Why can't you read my FUCKING MIND! -- "There's no point, it would be silly to put one up." |
| Gerund Man | I'll show you silly, Comic Store Scum -- "Ummm...." |
| Clerk Guy | Why can't you just buy a Magic booster pack and leave!? -- "Bulletin board notes only stay up for 30 days, and the students will be gone until next semester." |
| Gerund Man | I could squash you like the bug you are, but not until after
I have exploited you for your bulletin board next semester -- "OK." |
Gerund Man exits the establishment, his mission unaccomplished, waiting for next month when "everyone gets back."
Copyright © 1997-1999 Jerry Acord
Date: Tue 16 Dec 1997